The Farewell
To the Brethren of St. James Lodge, Tarbolton
Robert Burns

Adieu ! a heart-warm fond adieu !
Dear brothers of the mystic tie !
Ye favour’d, ye enlighten’d few,
Companions of my social joy !
Tho’ I to foreign lands must hie,
Pursuing fortune’s slidd’ry ba’,
With melting heart, and brimful eye,
I’ll mind you still, tho’ far awa’.

Oft, have I met your social band,
And spent the cheerful festive night ;
Oft, honour’d with supreme command,
Presided o’er the sons of light :
And by that hieroglyphic bright,
Which none but craftsman ever saw !
Strong memory on my heart shall write
Those happy scenes when far awa’ !

May freedom, harmony and love
Unite you in the grand design,
Beneath th’ Omniscient eye above,
The glorious Architect Divine !
That you may keep th’ unerring line,
Still rising by the plummet’s law,
Till Order bright completely shine,
Shall be my pray’r when far awa’.

And You, farewell ! whose merits claim,
Justly, that highest badge to wear !
Heav’n bless your honour’d noble name,
To Masonry and Scotia dear !
A last request permit me here :
When yearly ye assemble a’,-
One round, I ask it with a tear,
To him, the Bard that’s far awa’.

Many men find essential support for personal growth in group therapy, and develop new ideas for changing their lives.

This group is sponsored by IHI (Institute for Human Identity), New York’s Premier LGBTQ Psychotherapy and Training Center.

This group is for you if you identify with any of these issues:

• ANGER
• ANXIETY
• PANIC ATTACKS
• DEPRESSION
• DATING AND SEX
• SELF-IMAGE / IDENTITY
• HEALTH ISSUES
• STRESS
• OTHER ISSUES

WHEN:                          Thursdays, 6:00 – 7:30 PM

WHERE:                        IHI – Institute for Human Identity, 822 Eighth Ave,

Suite 802, at 26^th Street

FACILITATORS:          Don Becker, LCSW & senior staff therapist at IHI

Nick Helbich, Formerly with Center for Modern

Psychoanalysis and currently IHI Intern

An individual interview is required to join. Please call Nick at 212-243-2830 if you think this men’s group might be for you, or if you have any questions regarding fee or any other issues.

It is difficult to find the meaning in pain and suffering when we are in the midst of it; however, when we have periods of comparative ease we can reflect on it and attempt to understand the meaning in it.

It takes considerable time and effort to find the meaning in pain and suffering, but the effort can yield great rewards.

Ideally, we will begin to search for meaning when things are going well.  This will give us a solid foundation on which to stand when suffering strikes.

A Hasidic sage advises, “When a man suffers, he ought not to say, ‘That’s bad!  That’s bad! ‘  Nothing God imposes on man is bad.  But it is all right to say , ‘That’s bitter!  That’ Bitter!’  For among medicines there are some that are made with bitter herbs.”

Potential purposes of suffering according to the Judeo-Christian traditions:

Strengthen our faith

Bring us closer to God

Loosen our bonds to the material world

Take refuge in God

At times, suffering can serve to toughen us, to strengthen us, at other times it can soften us, to make us more sensitive and gentle.

Vulnerability can open us up and deepen our connection with others.

“A deep distress hath humanized my soul.” – William Wordsworth – poet

Buddhists utilize the practice of Tong-Len as a formal way to enhance their compassion.

In Tong-Len meditation, you mentally visualize yourself taking on another’s pain and suffering, and in turn giving them all of your resources, good health, fortune, etc.

Tong-Len meditation ‘giving and receiving’

Personal suffering can strengthen your “resolve to put an end to the causes of suffering and the unwholesome deeds that lead to suffering” (The Art of Happiness, page 205).  It can encourage you to engage in wholesome actions and deeds that lead to happiness and joy.

“When you are aware of your pain and suffering, it helps you to develop your capacity for empathy, the capacity that allows you to relate to other people’s feelings and suffering.  This enhances your capacity for compassion towards others.”  (H.H. The Dalai Lama – The Art of Happiness p. 206)

“It is our suffering that is the most basic element that we share with others, the factor that unifies us with all living creatures.” – Howard Cutler – The Art of Happiness

Tong-Len “Giving and Receiving”

Peme Chodron talks about Tonglen meditation here.

http://www.shambhala.org/teachers/pema/tonglen1.php

“Surrender is faith that the power of Love can accomplish anything even when you cannot foresee the outcome.” – Deepak Chopra

True surrender is a process of discovery.  When we surrender, we discover who we really are.

There is a freedom in surrendering.  Trying to control that which we cannot control only leads to anxiety and perpetuates our self-created suffering.

In order to truly surrender, we must express gratitude for our current situation; however difficult it may be for us.  The Buddhist tradition views all challenges as an opportunity for growth.  We should be grateful for such opportunities, for without them, we would not grow as spiritual beings.

True surrender requires trust.  We must place our trust in the potential outcome, even though in the present moment it may not seem as if anything good can come from our situation.

True surrender requires faith.  Your faith could be in God, Karma, Buddha, the Universal Life Force or Nature.

True surrender requires letting go of our ego.  We have encountered something we cannot control, we cannot fix, and we cannot change.  It is beyond our capabilities.  It can be a humbling experience to surrender so fully, yet there is a freedom in it as well.

“I teach you the overman.  Man is something that shall be overcome.  What have you done to overcome him?”

“All beings so far have created something beyond themselves; and do you want to be the ebb of this great flood and even go back to the beasts rather than overcome man?”

Friedrich Nietzsche, “Zarathustra’s Prologue,”Thus Spoke Zarathustra(1883)

We all are potential overmen; however, we are held back by fear and custom.

Nietzsche suggests that we all have “the will to power”.  By power, he isn’t suggesting brute force, but rather “fearlessness”.

We need to be fearless in order to achieve self-harmony, self-control, and self-realization.

Are you fearless?  Or are you motivated by fear, habit, superstition.  These are all facets of what Nietzsche refered to as the “slave mentality”.

“A slave is one who waits for someone to come and free him”

~ Ezra Pound

Slavery is submission to a dominating influence.  This could come from an external source, or it could be self-imposed.  The “slave mentality” is not something we should strive for.

From the very moment we are born we are conditioned by family, school, church, rules, laws, etc.  We are told to “act normal”.

Our conscience stirs us, our creative impulses persuade us; however, we become numb to these impulses.  We become lazy and/or fearful of danger, of challenge, of violating the status quo.

It can be frightening to live in a world without customs, without masters, without rules, and without laws.

We all have a choice to either submit to these societal expectations or to free ourselves from the “slave mentality”.

Do you want to be simply a creature or a creator?  I choose the latter.

Being an overman does not mean that you can’t serve your fellow man.  Service does not equal slavery.

Don’t let fear and loathing (self or otherwise) rule your life.  Live your life without resentment.  Choose your own path.  Create!  Channel your will and control your passions.  Create art, create philosophy, create music, simply create something.  Be fearless!  Question authority and decide for yourself what is right.

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son!

Face the fear

Don’t numb yourself

Face the pain

Don’t distract yourself

Face the Fear

Don’t overindulge

Fill the void with love and compassion

Stop

Don’t Act Out

Don’t Repress

Don’t blame it on anyone else

Don’t blame yourself

Everything has fallen apart

There is no escape

You have run out of options

You can shut down and feel resentful

Or

You can awaken your heart

Ho’oponopono means to make right.  It is the Hawaiian Code of Forgiveness.  When we forgive others, we are also forgiving ourselves.  We need to make right with the people with whom we have relationships.

One of the primary principles of neuro linguistic programming is that  “people are doing the best they can with the resources they have available”.  If this is the reality, which I believe it is, then there is no reason not to forgive them.  If, after introspection, you realize that you don’t have sufficient resources for a healthy relationship with someone, then forgive yourself, and do what you can to develop those resources.

The following description of the process of Ho’oponopono comes from the website www.ancienthuna.com

The Process of Ho’oponopono:

1.   Bring to mind anyone with whom you do not feel total alignment or support, etc.

2.   In your mind’s eye, construct a small stage below you

3.   Imagine an infinite source of love and healing flowing from a source above the top of your head (from your Higher Self), and open up the top of your head, and let the source of love and healing flow down inside your body, fill up the body, and overflow out your heart to heal up the person on the stage. Be sure it is all right for you to heal the person and that they accept the healing.

4.   When the healing is complete, have a discussion with the person and forgive them, and have them forgive you.

5.   Next, let go of the person, and see them floating away. As they do, cut the aka cord that connects the two of you (if appropriate). If you are healing in a current primary relationship, then assimilate the person inside you.

6.   Do this with every person in your life with whom you are incomplete, or not aligned. The final test is, can you see the person or think of them without feeling any negative emotions. If you do feel negative emotions when you do, then do the process again.

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” – Pema Chodren

Getting to know fear involves a complete undoing of old ways of seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and thinking.

We have a natural tendency to dissociate from fear.  We usually try to deal with fear by distracting ourselves, taking drugs, drinking, overeating, buying things, etc.  We do anything to avoid dealing with fear directly.

Pema Chodren states that sometimes “everything falls apart, and we run out of options for escape”.  Pema also states that even though we often think that brave people have no fear, in reality “they are intimate with fear”.

“When things are shaky and nothing is working, we might realize that we are on the verge of something.”  We have a choice at this point.   We can shut down, numb ourselves, distract ourselves, or we can face the fear and pain.  This is a test that can enable us to awaken our hearts to a more compassionate place.

The path to true awakening requires us “to stay with a broken heart, with a rumbling stomach, with the feeling of hopelessness”.   Allow for uncertainty, learn how to relax in the midst of chaos, and learn not to panic.

I know that in my own life I have a strong tendency to dissociate from fear.  I have utilized many of the common distractions.  This time; however, I am going to face the fear head on.  Everything has fallen apart for me, but I am not going to run from it this time, I am not going to numb myself, or distract myself.  I am going to stay with my broken heart for as long as necessary until I undo my old ways of seeing the world, until I remove the veils of disillusionment.  I do not like the uncertainty, but I am going to allow for it.  I am going to try to maintain a peaceful mind in the midst of my chaos.

This is an opportunity and I am going to use it to awaken my heart.

-  Friedrich Nietzsche

This is probably one of Nietzsche’s most famous quotes and there is a great truth in it, should we seize the opportunity.

When patients come to me with a lumbar spinal sprain, they receive tremendous benefit from the care I provide; however, they have to take an active role in their own health care to rehabilitate the region and make themselves stronger.  This will result in a stronger spine and a good long term prognosis.  They can use the injury as a motivating force to make some changes in their lives, strengthen their core, exercise, change their diet, lose some weight.  In health care we refer to this as active care versus the passive care the patient receives from the practitioner.  Failure to progress from passive care to active care will result in a patient that is not stronger as a result of the injury.  They will continue to be vulnerable in the affected area.

Mental, emotional, and spiritual pain can have the same divergent outcomes.  When we experience the emotional trauma we can use it as a catalyst for change or we can run from it, hide from it, numb ourselves from it.  We can fill the void with distractions to ease the pain.  Television, alcohol, and  consumerism are some of the many methods we use to distract ourselves.  It is frightening to face the pain, but it is the only way we are going to grow and become stronger.  If we do not face it, it will continue to weaken us and may eventually destroy us.

I choose to face the pain, to face the fear, and come out stronger as a result.  It will not be easy, but it is the only way to grow.